Just out for the fuck of it!
Posted by: Randall  |  Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:27 pm
Ok people, what gives? I'm a very busy person. I know that going ANYWHERE on the weekend is a friggen pain in the ass around here. Working 40 hours a week leaves me little time to take care of all the bullshit that piles up. The weekends are normally the only chance I get to catch up on things that need to be done. You know, stuff like running to giutar center, or the hardware store, or the auto parts store, and the list goes on. So knowing that if I wait until the weekend to take care of this shit, I also have to deal with a million other motherfuckers that are supposedly taking care of thier own shit. So I have this brilliant idea.........Leave early from work, like say, 10:00 o'clock on Wednesday. Everybody should be at work, right? Wrong! First thing that happens is I'm gridlocked on Rainier Avenue. Vehicles are backed up from light to light for fucking miles! What the fuck?! Why is there so many fucking people out on the road on a Wednesday at 10 in the morning? It's not lunchtime! It's not a national holiday! It's a fucking workday! The godamn Wal-Mart parking lot is full, (what, is Wednesday the day welfare checks arrive?) the gas stations are lined up, there's fucking morons everywhere! WHY?? I'm guessing that most of these losers are just out there for the fuck of it. If they are unemployed, obviously they have no money to spend. And I know there's not THAT many deadbeats that work second shift, and if they did, what the hell are they doing out there at 10 in the morning? I'd be sleeping my ass off. So I thought that maybe I just picked a freak day. Next time I tried a different day, same fucking thing. Why aren't these people at thier goddamn desk, or learning english so they can work at Jack-in-the-box, or stocking shelves at some fucked up wharehouse? Who are all these losers that are just out there with no particular place to go or be at? Fuck em all, I guess I'll just have to find a store that I can do my shopping at 2:00 in the morning. At least I'll only have to deal with drunks, and at least I'll know that they actually had a legitimate reason for being on the road, unlike the rest of them fuckers.

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Fuck this nanny state!
Posted by: Randall  |  Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:26 pm
I don't know about you all, but I'm sure that most who have the courage to read my posts have no clue of what it's like to be truely free. Let me explain. I grew up in the 60's and 70's, ( yea, I'm an old fucker ), and I hate to see what this pathetic excuse for a society has become.

#1 Seat belt law

This was my first rebelious encounter. Government claims that they're only looking out for our own good. What? No, Government figured out a way to make money by giving out hefty fines for not wearing your seatbelt. I'm sure it's saved many lives, they claim, and I'm also sure they don't give a shit, but I believe it should be up to the individual driver whether or not they want to wear thier seatbelt. I, for one hate the god dam thing. It's uncomfortable. How the hell am I suppose to stash my fucking beer under the seat when I'm strapped to the seat? Now instead of enjoying my ride from point A to point B, I have to constantly be on the lookout for cops. Is that freedom? Fuck no it aint. I'm not a fucking robot that enjoys obeying commands, so I purposly don't wear the fucking thing. What I hate even more is these new cars have a little bell that goes off every 60 seconds to anoy the hell out of you until you hook up. Fuck that, I'll cut the wire.

#2 Brain Bucket

I used to ride a motorcycle before the helmet law. That's freedom. It was awsome to climb on your bad motor scooter and ride with the wind in your hair. Some panzy motherfuckin gay panal decided again that they should make a law to protect us from us. They say too many riders with no insurance dumped thier bikes and fucked themselves up, thus increasing everybody's insurance rates. Big fucking deal. Those insurance company's will always find someway to reach into our pockets and steal what they can no matter what. So, have your insurance rates gone down since this law went into effect? Not hardly. And if your caught riding without a helmet, big fine again, more money for them. Again, another freedom taken away.
You could also include brain buckets for kids riding bycycles. Fuck that! I grew up just fine without that stupid thing. Parents these days are raising pussies. And I bet the company's that make those stupid panzy ass pieces of shit are laughing all the way to the bank!

#3 Emission testing

Somebody hit the money making jackpot on this one. Years back I used to build hotrods. I always built my own engines and I built them to go fast. I spent damn near $4000.00 dollars on the last engine I built. That engine ran sweet, perfect is a matter of fact! I took my rig down for that stupid emissions test, knowing it couldn't possibly fail. IT FUCKING FAILED!! I threw a fit and was directed into the office to file a complaint. I yelled and bitched so loud everybody left the room, then I heard a voice saying, "it's not our fault, sir, please fill out the form". So I did, and left. And yes, I burned rubber out of there. So what next? I had to take it to a certified shop and have a certified mechanic set my perfectly running brand new motor up to the diagnostic center. I was so raging mad that this bonehead had to tweak and detune my engine to pass emissions. "There you go, sir, gaurenteed to pass". Mind you, this cost me a pretty good chunk of money. What a racket. What pissed me off even more is now my engine ran like total dog shit, wouldn't even hardly idle. So I limp it back to emissions testing center with a bad attitude, and they knew it. I'm sure they were all whispering " Ah fuck, here comes that asshole again ". So as my engine popped and spit and sounded like shit, it passed. It ran so bad I couldn't even peel rubber out of there like the first time. So now I have to spend my entire afternoon RE-tuning the god damn thing back where it was. What a fucking joke. Again, those treehuggin enviornmentalists found another way to fuck up my day.

#4 No drinks on stage

This is one of the most rediculous laws ever. What the fuck is rock and roll without pounding a few drinks? Especially the band. When we're rockin, it's party time. I can understand if it's an all ages show, I'm cool with that, but a 21 and over show? Come on man, that's like your mom telling you, you can't have ice cream before dinner. Number one, at a 21 and over show, guess what, you have to be 21 just to get in! And if you're 21 or over, you're allowed to drink. So what the fuck is this stupid law about anyway? What's the fucking difference if you're sitting at the bar getting hammered or rockin on stage getting hammered? We're all there to have fun. I would venture to say that some stupid fucking loser band member got too wasted, fell off the stage, and got hurt. Waaaaaa! So now we have to deal with this fucked up law because of some dumbass. Bands we've played with out of state can't believe we actually have such a rule. Thank "Nickles" and "Christine" again for being our mommy and daddy. Fuck them!

#5 Smoking ban

I don't know how to approach this one without offending some really cool people that are glad this got passed. But since a lot of people think I'm an asshole by now, too bad. Another one of Christines wet dreams. I can accept not smoking in resturants, I'm cool with that, but when all the wining crybabys determined they don't want to breath second hand smoke in bars, that pissed me off. The bar, a drinking establishment, a place to hang out with friends after work, a place to be comfortable, get drunk, smoke cigarettes, have a good time, and not worry about someone bitching at you because you did the sinful criminal act of lighting up. FUCK THAT! This society of pussies have labled those who smoke as disgusting, disrespectfull, messy, smelly, unhealthy fucking losers that should be locked up like criminals because we are fucking up their pure breathing air. I got news for them, it would take 90 fucking years of breathing second hand smoke on a daily basis to produce any health problems! If you don't like smelling it in bars, stay the fuck out of them. I'd like to see some puritan walk into a bar in the 1800's and bitch because Doc Holiday is smoking up a storm at the card table. It's an American right, always has been, but this nanny state apparently forgot that. I noticed a big change in the club scene as well since this got passed. Were's all the people, you ask? They're all outside herded like cattle in a fenced off pen where they can legally smoke, oh but remember, you have to be 25 feet from the door. Yea right, but smokers have become the minority these days, so we'll just have to accept the fact that another freedom has been lost and there's nothing we can do about it, thanks to all the people that think their shit don't stink.

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Pants shopping
Posted by: Randall  |  Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:25 pm
This really gets my goat. Number one, I hate shopping. Number two, shopping for clothes is a pain in the ass. They're way overpriced and they don't fit right. I went 2-3+ years wearing the same old rags because by some odd reason they seemed to fit right. But the lifespan of a pair of Levis can only endure so much abuse. So knowing ahead of time that if I dragged my ass to the mall, I can expect to be there most of the day. Fine. I need some new pants. After circling the parking lot a half dozen times looking for a place to park, I ended up what seemed like a half mile from the mall. Now the fun begins. First off, the mall is swarming with Asians. It's like the main hangout to see who's cool and who's not. Do they actually buy anything, or are they just wandering around like Zombies so they can get in my way? There are no walking rules at the mall. There are those that walk against the flow of traffic, like going the wrong way down a one way street. Idiots. Then there are the slugs that crawl along like they have nothing better to do, and what's worse, they block the pathway so nobody can get passed them. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, I"M ACTUALLY HERE FOR A PURPOSE!!
So now I'm "shopping" for pants. I finally find a pair that I think I would look cool in, BUTT, they don't have my size! So after digging through pile after pile and mixing all thier organized shit up, I finally settle on a half dozen pairs that might work. Now to find a dressing room. Ok, there's one way the fuck over there, but it's locked, so I have to fight my way through a city of Asians to find some loser with a key. They look disturbed that I actually had to drag them away from thier sanctuary, the cash register, yea, the money center. So I try on all this shit and none of them fit right, so I tell myself, 100% cotton means they'll shrink an inch or two. Ok, that will work. But unlike days of old, nothing on the label is telling me wether they're prewashed or not, so now I'm gambling with it. So I ask the loser with the key if they know. Nope, they don't, I should have known better. So rather than take my chances, I went after a different size. More mixing thier organized shelves up and back to the dressing room. It's locked. MOTHERFUCKERS!! Now my blood pressure is rising rapidly. So back to the key master with another dirty look....fuck you bitch, if you sold pants that weren't made in Mexico I'd be out of here by now. So I finally bought two pairs of pants and headed home. I spent more than I wanted to, obviously, but at least I'd be wearing some new dudes to look cool in.
Now I go through the task of washing/drying them to end up with the perfect comfortable fit. Then the moment of truth. By this time I'm half crocked, so standing on one leg to put the other leg into my new pants is quite the chore.
MOTHERFUCKER THEY DON'T FIT!!! They didn't shrink at all! So in order to salvadge the 80 bucks that I could have spent on something else, I have to drill a new hole in my fucking belt to sinch the motherfuckers up tight enough to fit. Now I look like a geek with too small of a butt with a big wrinkle at the middle. Fuck that. Well, needless to say, most of the time I'm still wearing my old rags, holes and all and my new pants sit in my drawer. Makes me sick.

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I'm sick of garbage!
Posted by: Randall  |  Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:24 pm
Yes, I'm sick of my own garbage, but I'm more sick of those fuckheads that run the "Waste Management" program. My garbage used to get picked up once a week, but some dumbass pencil pushing dick sucking colledge educated tree hugger had an idea of how to cut costs for the city of Renton. So they forced it's citizens to comply. Now they pick it up every TWO weeks. Oh, bless they're heart, they supplied us with these big ass dumpsters that are suppose to hold more garbage, but they don't. So not only do I have less room in my garage, but by the end of the first week I literaly have to climb into the god damn thing and jump up and down to compact it enough to close the fucking lid. They went too far by expecting me to seperate chicken bones and left over meat loaf from plastic plates and bottles. FUCK THEM and THAT! I won't do it. I don't have time for that stupid shit. Those "Waste Management" ( still garbage men in my book ) motherfuckers can just deal with it. Maybe I should have John and Dustin throw all excess garbage in the street and let the Spazmat squad clean it up. At least they'd be earning thier pay instead of sitting around playing solitair waiting to go bust Joe homeowner for dumping used antifreeze down a hole in thier back yard......oops :)

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First bitch of the day
Posted by: Randall  |  Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:23 pm
I took my female dog to the vet last week to have her anal sacs drained because she was dragging her ass all over the place. Yes, I paid someone to empty the foul smelling shit goo. Now today I notice instead of dragging her ass down the hall, she sits and spins in a circle. Now what the fuck do I do? Don't these "proffesional" dog butt relievers know how to empty an anal sac properly, or am I going to have to take on the dirty deed myself? What the Fuck?

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