As if my life aint full of enough bullshit it's only fitting that I should have even more bullshit added to it. Going to a cash machine is probably one of the simplest things to do. Unless you're me. It all starts the night before. Yes there is a certain amount of planning for this event. I prefer to not hit the stupid thing in the afternoon because there is always a line of people making major complicated transactions that take forever. I'm like "C'mon you fucking morons, this is a cash machine. You come here to take out cash". It's a convienient service 24 hours a day. But too many dirty motherfuckers seem to think they can pay all thier bills, balance thier checkbooks, make deposits, transfer money or find out they have no more funds left in thier account so they look all stupified and keep pushing buttons in a frenzy because they can't possibly believe they fucked up. GO INSIDE THE FUCKING BANK IF YOU'RE NOT MAKING A WITHDRAWL!! I don't have time to stand there like an idiot while some idiot fucks around with some mamby pamby full blown complicated transaction that should be taken care of inside the bank.
So realizing there's no way to eliminate such morons from society, I hit the machine at 5:00 in the morning when nobody is there. I've never had a problem except the other day. Back to my planning the night before. Parking has become a real bitch at my job. I have to get up earlier to get a parking spot, so if I'm going to hit the cash machine on the way to work I have to get up even earlier. This means jumping out of bed when my alarm actually goes off. It sucks.
So I race to the cash machine, put my card in, push the buttons to get cash and the machine starts making all these weird noises. These noises went on for ten fucking minutes, so I'm thinking this machine is fucked up. All the while I'm thinking if I don't get my ass out of here, I aint going to have any place to park. And if I leave while this machine is having a spaz attack, my luck it will spit the money out 5 seconds after I leave and some bum will walk by and think he hit the mother load. Fuck this shit. So then the screen says "we're sorry, we are unable to process your transaction at this time". That's because too many motherfuckers raped this machine the night before and there was no cash left in it! So I switched over to the next machine. Surprizingly it worked. So I got my cash and raced to work.
When I got home I decided to check my bank account online just out of curiosity. Guess what? It shows that I made two withdrawles! FUCK! So after throwing a few things around and scaring the hell out of the dogs, I tried calling the bank. No abla espanol mother fuckers ok? And being put on hold for 30 minutes aint working for me. So I jump back in my truck and head to the bank. I go inside and the teller that I need to talk to is trying to help some retard that looks like he was inbred from Simon and Garfunkle and Icabod Horglsnorts mother. I'm sure he was at the cash machine and probly one of a hundred that actually HAD to go inside to figure out his mess. After waiting 20 minutes she finally comes over and asks " how is your day today sir?" Wrong question. So I told her what happened. All I ended up with is a phone number, the same one I tried calling earlier. So I called it again. An hour later I finally got some guy that transfered me to another guy that put me on hold for another 15 minutes only to tell me not to worry because the machine caught the error and reversed the transaction, even though it doesn't show it on my statement. WTF? I went through all this bullshit for nothing? Yep. Story of my life.
Does anybody really need to ask why I drink so much beer? Fuck this shit.