I have accepted the fact that most people I don't know suck in one way or another. Even some people I do know suck, but at least they know that I don't. A few weeks ago we were in our band room recording some new songs that will be out soon for everybody to get drunk to and rate us on the suckometer, when we hear our doorbell ringing like armagedon is about to take place. My neighbor goes off on us for writing ASSHOLE on the Chinese peoples' garage door accross the street. After telling him that the first people I would suspect is us, it wasn't us! Just because a lot of shit that happens around here might be connected to us doesn't mean EVERY GOD DAMN THING IS! He said he has no respect for us........guess what, we don't give a rats ass. He falls into the "I suck" catagory. We did however put 2 and 2 together and figured out who did it. That's why we don't suck, but the person who did does suck. This person sucks because they knew we'd get blamed for it and even more sucky is the fact that they keep signing us up for all kinds of bullshit advertisements that get sent to my mailbox. I took 3 giant boxes full of crap to the dump full of everything from Temperpedic foam samples to tubes of anal lube, which the dogs managed to get a hold of.
Then there's the lady that went out of her way to stop her car when she saw me walking the dogs up the pipeline and tell me not to let them shit by her fence. She said it's disgusting. Really? If they weren't dragging my ass at 15 miles an hour past her I would have told her the pipeline is Renton property, not hers, and if she wants to call the Renton pipeline police and file a complaint be my fucking guest. Lady, you need to live in a sanitized bubble like the rest of your bleeding heart liberals because if real life ever slapped you in the face you'd get sick and die from it, which would be doing the rest of us a favor. You and your Greguire voting cronnies suck.
And why is it that there are so many crabby old ladies around here? I'm walking my dogs on same pipeline today and some old lady is jogging the other direction. I guess when you're butt ugly AND a bitch, the only thing you got going for you is a fit body. Now, my dogs are very vocal, they're Beagles, what do you expect. So they see her and start barking they're heads off and as she goes by she starts spouting off about those horrible noisy dogs. Go live in that bubble with that other bitch because you two can suck together, and probably would, because I'm sure they're husbands think they suck too. Well, maybe they don't suck, and that could be the root of the problem right there.
People that bring thier tribe of little kids to the store suck bigtime. Take Walmart for example. Ever try to navigate through the aisles with a thousand misbehaved, screaming, zigzagging little brats running all over the place? The mothers always seem like they're too busy trying to manuever their wide cellulite infested asses between the display tables stationed right in the middle of the aisle, good idea suckers. Then when I look annoyed, I'm looked at as an asshole. Those people rate high on the suck list.
Most people have no clue that they suck. They're too busy worrying about being politically correct and expecting everybody else to live in the perfect little world they live in. Everybody whines about smokers, they fuck traffic up on purpose because they think it's their duty to make sure the rest of us obey the speed limit, kids can't enjoy the freedom of riding a bike without a big ass brain bucket on thier head, the city garbage department for forcing me to seperate my chicken bones from my pizza box, it's all fucking garbage dickheads, all those involved in making all these stupid rules, laws and regulations suck. However, somebody that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose might not suck at all. The area of low pressure at the point of vacuum may determine whether they actually suck, or not.
On my next episode I'll define the commonly used word known as bitch. It should be legal to bitch--slap those who suck.