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Randall
Post  Post subject: Piss-bucket-be-gone  |  Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:40 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:08 pm
Posts: 41
Location: The nanny state

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For all those familiar with the shithole outside our bandroom, you're probably asking yourselves, "when is somebody gonna clean that fuckin mess up?" Well, that somebody was me of course, and it was no easy task. I got tired of looking at an old rusty shopping cart full of beer cans and rotting food, 3 pissbuckets (one of them full), glass bottles, busted sign posts, shattered plastic, an old desk shattered in a million pieces and any other unreckognizable shit that somehow migrated to my yard from all corners of the world.
At first I wondered if I could get it all in my truck, and not being a creative organizer, I just started cramming it all in. I saved the full piss bucket for last because I knew it had to be first to go at the dump. Thank god it had a lid on it, but even still, the rancid stench was sickening and I just hoped I could get rid of it without the lid popping open. So I drove really slow, and made sure I didn't make any sudden movements, I had nightmarish thoughts of some asshole cutting me off causing me to slam on my brakes and popping that lid off, thus releasing a chemical substance strong enough to kill everything in a two block radius. Needless to say I was a nervous fucking wreck by time I got there.
So I arrive at the garbage dump, er, as they prefer to call it "refuse station" Why do they call it a "refuse station" anyway, they've never refused any of my shit, even the paint cans and oil bottles that I hid in black plastic bags, er, I mean accidently forgot what was in them. I figured I'd just play dumb, it's worked many times before.
So I back my truck up, put my gloves on, lower the tailgate and grab the handle. My thought was if I just ease it over the side and gently release it, there's a fifty-fifty chance it could hit the bottom without exploding. Well, that didn't work. It hit bottom, the lid popped off, and all that 6 month old piss and batteries unleashed a stink so bad the smell instantly made me feel like throwing up. It was so strong it stunk up the whole facility. This is a garbage dump, it stinks anyway, but this was fucking horrible! I looked around to see if anyone noticed and apparently they did because they were all looking at me as if wondering "what the fuck was that?"
Fearing that the authorities would be calling the spazmat team on me I tried to hurry up and unload the rest of the shit. I got it all out and grabbed the shopping cart, the last thing, and as I dragged it to the ropes and tried to push it through it got stuck. So I'm frantically trying to break it free and again everybody is looking at me. I'm beginning to wonder if they're thinking I just cleaned up a homeless camp, fuck no, this all came from my god damned yard! Finally I managed to kick that fucker over the side, I shut my tailgate and hauled ass.
As I'm cruising down the road I felt a calm come over me, a sense of accomplishment, but in the back of my mind, I know all too well that this could easily happen again......and shit


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