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Randall
Post  Post subject: Pants shopping  |  Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:25 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:08 pm
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This really gets my goat. Number one, I hate shopping. Number two, shopping for clothes is a pain in the ass. They're way overpriced and they don't fit right. I went 2-3+ years wearing the same old rags because by some odd reason they seemed to fit right. But the lifespan of a pair of Levis can only endure so much abuse. So knowing ahead of time that if I dragged my ass to the mall, I can expect to be there most of the day. Fine. I need some new pants. After circling the parking lot a half dozen times looking for a place to park, I ended up what seemed like a half mile from the mall. Now the fun begins. First off, the mall is swarming with Asians. It's like the main hangout to see who's cool and who's not. Do they actually buy anything, or are they just wandering around like Zombies so they can get in my way? There are no walking rules at the mall. There are those that walk against the flow of traffic, like going the wrong way down a one way street. Idiots. Then there are the slugs that crawl along like they have nothing better to do, and what's worse, they block the pathway so nobody can get passed them. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, I"M ACTUALLY HERE FOR A PURPOSE!!
So now I'm "shopping" for pants. I finally find a pair that I think I would look cool in, BUTT, they don't have my size! So after digging through pile after pile and mixing all thier organized shit up, I finally settle on a half dozen pairs that might work. Now to find a dressing room. Ok, there's one way the fuck over there, but it's locked, so I have to fight my way through a city of Asians to find some loser with a key. They look disturbed that I actually had to drag them away from thier sanctuary, the cash register, yea, the money center. So I try on all this shit and none of them fit right, so I tell myself, 100% cotton means they'll shrink an inch or two. Ok, that will work. But unlike days of old, nothing on the label is telling me wether they're prewashed or not, so now I'm gambling with it. So I ask the loser with the key if they know. Nope, they don't, I should have known better. So rather than take my chances, I went after a different size. More mixing thier organized shelves up and back to the dressing room. It's locked. MOTHERFUCKERS!! Now my blood pressure is rising rapidly. So back to the key master with another dirty look....fuck you bitch, if you sold pants that weren't made in Mexico I'd be out of here by now. So I finally bought two pairs of pants and headed home. I spent more than I wanted to, obviously, but at least I'd be wearing some new dudes to look cool in.
Now I go through the task of washing/drying them to end up with the perfect comfortable fit. Then the moment of truth. By this time I'm half crocked, so standing on one leg to put the other leg into my new pants is quite the chore.
MOTHERFUCKER THEY DON'T FIT!!! They didn't shrink at all! So in order to salvadge the 80 bucks that I could have spent on something else, I have to drill a new hole in my fucking belt to sinch the motherfuckers up tight enough to fit. Now I look like a geek with too small of a butt with a big wrinkle at the middle. Fuck that. Well, needless to say, most of the time I'm still wearing my old rags, holes and all and my new pants sit in my drawer. Makes me sick.


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